Rich Fool?

"Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.”  Jesus replied, “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?”  Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.” And he told them this parable: “The ground of a certain rich man yielded an abundant harvest. He thought to himself, ‘What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.’ “Then he said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store my surplus grain. And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.”’  “But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you.Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’  “This is how it will be with whoever stores up things for themselves but is not rich toward God.” Luke 12:13-21

Have you ever felt like you work and work and work and don't achieve anything? Or maybe you feel like you have it all together, like the rich fool in this parable above. 

He worked for what he had. I'm sure there were many years of sweat and toil poured into the things he could count at the end of his life...but in reality, what did he actually have? 

I think by today's standards, in our culture - and probably in many cultures - he wouldn't be considered a fool, but someone to look up to, someone to aspire to be. 

But the bible says different. God doesn't look at our measly little lives - he looks at the bigger picture. He sees not just our life on earth, but our life AFTER our time on earth. Death is not the end. 

I was watching Grey's anatomy today (don't judge me) and as I was working on something else, I heard this line that caught my attention - and my heart: 

"I failed at the one thing I spent my life doing." 

I began to ask myself, what am I spending my life doing? Am I trying to earn enough money to fill my "Storehouses" like the rich fool? Am I working to lose my pregnancy weight so I can attract who knows what's attention? Am I trying to gain status or clout with those I am around? 

And if that is what I am working on, when I get to my life will it matter if I succeeded or failed? 

Will I be able to stand in front of God and argue with him - "Hey, I didn't really worship you, but I'm super thin!" or "Well, I didn't really help anyone out or give to anyone in need...but look at all the money I piled up! I was never worried about rainy day emergencies!" or "Sure, God, I didn't take the time to build those relationships with good friends and family, but look! I was a person that everyone idolized." 

And I have a feeling that God would cut me off in mid sentence and ask, "Is that really what you thought I cared about?" 

God's word says he will provide for us - he says that the lilies in the field are more beautiful than the richest man to ever walk to earth - he always had a rainy day fund. But the lilies have God as their provider. His Word says that He is to receive all the glory, honor and praise - so what does it matter what someone thinks of us? What does God care if we are highly esteemed by man's empty praise? 

If I go my entire life, focused on success, safety and security by this world's standards, I am going to get to the end of my life and say, "I failed at everything I spent my life doing." 

However, if I spend my life seeking to love God, to walk with him, to obey His Word, to worship him only - then at the end of this life, I will hear "Well done, good and faithful servant." Regardless of who likes me or how much I had in the bank. 

What are you spending your life doing? 

Pregnancy, Hope and Surrender...

At the risk of making a million mothers out there angry or calling me liberal feminist or some other such thing, I am going to be honest. Can I do that? Here it is:

Pregnancy is wretched. I don't care who you are, it's difficult, uncomfortable and inconvenient. There is no good time to be pregnant. You get pregnant in the summer, you're puking not only because of hormones, but because the heat is making it a million times worse. You get preggo in the winter, you just end up puking in the snow on the side of the road because you get motion sickness so badly that you make your husband pull over even if you're just making a small trip to the grocery store. That's IF you can even force yourself into the building that houses all the foods that you suddenly have an aversion to - I mean seriously, who wants to look at food for even twenty minutes when the mere thought of it sends you running to the bathroom?

Or the heartburn? Oh yeah, no more late night snacks for you. No more chocolate, spicy Mexican food or delicious citrus treats for you after 7 p.m.!

How about the sudden limitation to how much weight you can gain? Huh? I'm only allowed to put on 20 pounds? What ever happened to the "You're eating for two!" theory? Come on! So you mean my body only really needs 300 extra calories a day to grow this baby? That's like two french fries!

Or how about the fact that your brain suddenly takes a vacation? Along with your immune system. They are just off partying in the Bahamas or some such place and you're stuck in your skin with a lobotomy and every illness that someone sneezes in your direction.

And then as you are going through all the miseries and commotions of it all, trying not to puke and still go to work 40 hours a week and cook dinner and keep the house clean, your husband leans over, puts his hand on your leg and says, "I really appreciate you doing this for us."

Pregnancy is a sacrifice. It is a complete sacrifice of your body, your heart and your mind and allowing God to do something inside you that you couldn't ever begin to do yourself - create life. Your body stretches and molds to another being inside of you. Your body craves what that little person in there needs (most of the time...). And suddenly, you are not yourself. You are not your own. Your choices are not just yours, they are your child's. This is only the beginning.

In the last nine months, God has been chiseling away at my heart. All the black parts that do not resemble His Son. He has been painfully chipping away at me and taking everything I ever thought I had control over. And in return, he has asked one continuous thing of me: Surrender.

When my belly gets bigger than I ever thought it could, and the cellulite threatens to take over my butt and thighs, and shaving my legs is just exhausting and I suddenly can't remember anything, ever....God has asked me only this, Surrender.

So I finally said, "What, God?! Do you want me to just give up and let myself go? Do you want me to just succumb to this and give in to every craving and desire that I have??"

And God said, "No. I want you to give the control you seek over to me."

So I argued, "Well, then you're going to have to use a different word, because that's not what surrender means."

And God told me to look it up.
So I did.

Surrender:  1 an agreement to stop fighting, hiding, resisting, etc., because you know that you will not win or succeed
               2 the act of giving the control or use of something to someone else

And I paused. Dang if God didn't know what he was talking about.

Sure, pregnancy is difficult. But the biggest problem wasn't that I was pregnant and that my body was changing - it was that my body was out of my own control. Everything was. Not only did I not have control over the physical aspects of my body, making me wonder if my husband would ever find me attractive again, but I didn't have control over this child. I have no control whether he or she would live or die. Whether he or she will come on his or her due date or after or before. I have no control over the pain that I will experience or how the labor will happen or how quickly or slowly it will happen.

I am powerless. Helpless. Completely at the mercy of what God is doing and what His plan is. And I have no idea what that plan is.

Which is why I have to surrender. Which is why I have to give that control over to Him - as if He hasn't had it the whole time. It's less about surrendering the actual control, and more about surrendering the idea of control. The desire to control.

And that, by far, is the most difficult thing about pregnancy. The daily surrender of what might happen today and keeping my eyes locked on Jesus, trusting that He knows what's happening.

You might even say that is the most difficult thing about LIFE. God doesn't only ask us pregnant women for this. I think it just took pregnancy for me to actually hear Him speaking - To hear Him asking me for it. Heaven knows I want to be in control.

Money, food, weight, the future, job...and some days, I feel like I am in control. But what happens on the days that I can see clearly that I am not? If I am always thinking that I am in control, it is on those days that I become hopeless. If I am always hoping in what I can see, what I can do, I only end up exhausted. Exhausted, angry and humiliated.

That is why God asks us to surrender to Him, to put our hope only in him - to trust only in Him. Because not only does he know the plans he has for us, he knows that they are good - even if they don't feel good in the moment.

Even if we are puking our guts out and feel miserable.
Even if the support we are trying to raise is coming in slower than we want.
Even if we may have lost a job...
.....a house...
.......a friend....
.........a father.

It is in those moments that God simply says, "Surrender. Give me the control that you so desperately seek." 

We will never be in so much control as when we surrender. When we give our hearts, desires, and hopes to the Almighty God who desires to love us and lead us - if only we let go of our plans for a minute.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." 

Isaiah 55:9 

You're Big, I'm Little

I have prayed a dangerous prayer this morning. At least, by my own standards. I am frightened by how God might answer.

My prayer was this: That I would be humbled in His presence and finally be able to see how great my God is and how small I am.

Why is this so dangerous? Well, for anyone who has prayed this prayer before, they know why. But for everyone else....this is dangerous because it has a tendency to blow your world as you know it up.

Our world's tend to revolve around ourselves. When we allow God to show us who we really in are in light of HIS glory, our own glory fades away and we begin to see the depravity of our own selves. This is a painful realization.

Our pastors began taking us through the first part of Revelation last week - God's message to the Churches. In the first chapter of Revelation, John explains a vision that he was given as he was exiled on the island of Patmos - a vision of the Risen Lord that made him fall at the Lord's feet as though he was dead. John saw the glory of God and his only response was that.

Our pastor yesterday made a point that really stuck with me. He said this: If you have - or if someone claims to have had - an encounter with God that does not result in that person seeing their own depravity and being ruined in the presence of our Most Holy Almighty God, then that encounter was false.

No one can stand on their own in the glory of God - no one.

Isaiah 6:1-5: "In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another : 'Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is filled with His glory!' At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke. 'Woe to me!', I cried. 'I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I lived among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty!'"

Ezekiel 1:26-2:2: "Above the expanse over their heads was what looked like a throne of sapphire, and high above on the throne was a figure like that of a man. I saw that from what appeared to be his waist up he looked like glowing metal, as if full of fire, and that from there down he looked like fire; and brilliant light surrounded Him. Like the appearance of a rainbow in the clouds on a rainy day, so was the radiance around him. This was the appearance of the likeness of the gory of the Lord When I saw it I fell facedown, and I heard the  voice of the one speaking. He said to me, 'Son of man, stand up on your feet and I will speak to you,' As he spoke, the Spirit came into me and raised me to my feet, and I heard him speaking to me...."

Revelation 1:17-18: "When I saw him, I feel at his feet as though dead. Then he placed his right hand on me and said, 'Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last. I am the Living One; I was dead, and behold I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys to death and Hades.'"

As these men were brought closer and closer to God, they began to see who they really were: A sinful, depraved, lost people. They were ruined. Broken. The beautiful thing is, when you look at the text that follows their encounter, God raises them up. They were broken in the presence of God, and God restored them.

That is the gospel. We are broken, ruined and depraved - whether we choose to recognize it or not. God sent His only Son, Jesus, so that God might pour out His wrath on his own Son rather than on us. God has restored us through Jesus, by nothing that we could do on our own, but completely because of His own goodness and love.

And that is why God is big and we are little.

That is why I want to recognize my own wretchedness - not so that I can wallow in the ugliness of my sinful self, but so that I can see for the first time, the beauty and glory of the God that I worship. So that my heart might be driven to worship HIM rather than my fleshly desires.

I want to be made small so that God would be seen as the Sovereign, Almighty God that He is.

"To Him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you into his glorious presence without fault and with great joy - to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and fovrever more. AMEN!" Jude 24-25

Religion vs. Relationship

Even back to Isaiah's time, this was a confusing subject.What's wrong with religion? Aren't works good things? Isn't memorizing scripture a good thing? Well, yes, of course! If you know the bible frontwards and backwards, inwards and outwards, that is a beautiful thing. If you follow every rule and feed the hungry, give money to the poor and take care of the widows and orphans like the Word says, that is also a beautiful thing.

The problem is that religion alone doesn't change anyone's heart...unless the actions are based on relationship rather than religion. 

Isaiah 28 is written as a warning to Jerusalem and Judah of what their wickedness and refusal to turn back to God was going to bring - Judah would be taken over by the Assyrians and Jerusalem was going to be destroyed. 

One thing that caught my attention this morning as I was reading, was how the priests and prophets in those regions were misleading the people with something that looks like this...

"For it is: Do and do, do and do, rule on rule, rule on rule, a little here and a little there." (28:10)

For the majority of my life, I was caught in this same cycle - do and do, do and do; rule on rule, rule on rule. Because I thought that God just wanted me to do everything right - perfect. The more I did, the more I thought God was smiling down on me with approval. But the reverse also happened: when I didn't do something right. If I fell into a sinful pattern or just didn't do "enough" in my own eyes, I thought God was shaking his head in disappointment at me. 

So in turn, I would try harder. I would vow to be better, to clean myself up and make myself "good". 

This is what religion does without relationship. It keeps you in a cycle of thinking works are your way to salvation - "Doing more, being better not only will get you to heaven, but it will give you more when you get there."

Isaiah continues to speak into this mindset by saying, "Very well then, with foreign lips and strange tongues God will speak to this people, to whom he said 'This is the resting place, let the weary rest'; and ' This is the place of repose' - but they would not listen. So then, the word of the Lord to them will become: Do and do, do and do; rule on rule, rule on rule; a little here, a little there - so that they will go and fall backward, be injured and snared and captured." (28:11-13) 

Have you ever felt God try to get you to rest? Have you felt the tug that says, "Hey, child, come here, sit down and rest with me. All your striving gets you nowhere unless you know me." ? 

I know I felt that, but like the stubborn Israelite's, I refused to rest. I continued thinking I just needed to work harder - and I did. And do you know what happened? I went and fell backward, was injured and snared and captured. 

Religion only gets you so far. And most of the time it only makes you exhausted - or prideful. 

"So this is what the Sovereign Lord says: 'See, I lay a stone in Zion, a tested stone, a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation; the one who trusts will never be dismayed.'" (28:16) 

This is our stumbling block. Here, Isaiah is prophesying the coming of Jesus - the precious, perfect cornerstone who is our sure foundation. Isaiah is leading up to the New Covenant that says we have only to trust in Christ and we are saved - not by works, memorization or religion - but through the saving grace of Jesus Christ. 

It is that relationship that changes your heart. It's not only believing in Christ, but knowing him personally that your life changes and your heart fills...and eventually, your heart overflows with the goodness and beauty of that relationship and you can't help but do good things, take in His Word and be moved by it. 

That's the beauty of relationship. 

Religion says, "I'm pretty decent, but I could be better - so I'll try harder and show you who I make myself into." 

Relationship says, "There is no good thing in me, but You are good and I trust you. I want to know you - change me, because I cannot change myself." 

"Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them." 

~ Jesus (via John 17:24-26)

Our Unchanging God.

     "When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son. But the more I called Israel, the further they went from me. They sacrificed to the Baals and they burned incense to images. It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them up by the arms; but they did not realize it was I who healed them..." Hosea 11:1-3 (NIV 1984)

     As I was reading Hosea this morning, my heart was broken. I realized the love of God. The passionate, endearing, unchanging love of God. I have always understood that I am a child of God, but I have never looked into what being a child of God actually looks like. And I think also as you grow up, you forget that you were a child in need of love and guidance (and still are).

     If you're not familiar with the Book of Hosea, here is a brief summary: Hosea, a prophet of God, is commanded by God to marry a prostitute named Gomer and have children with her. Gomer continually refuses her husbands love and commitment and consistently goes back to the brothel. Her faithful husband, at one point, even has to pay money to get her back. This was God's way of portraying to His people his own faithfulness: Israel continued to turn away and go to other gods, worshiping anything besides the Living God; but continually and consistently, God pursues his people - just as Hosea pursued Gomer.

     In this passage, God relates Israel to his child - as a Father relates to his son. Thinking back to being a child, do you recall learning to tie your shoe? Or throw a baseball? Or swim? Or ride a bike? Do you recall teaching yourself these things? Most likely not. More than likely you immediately remember the person that taught you do that - your mom, dad or big brother or sister. Maybe an aunt or grandparent.

     Here is God saying, "I taught you to ride a bike, I held you when you were learning to walk. And not only did I kiss your knee when you scraped it, I healed it completely." And yet, Israel rebels. We rebel. We walk around with our heads held high thinking we are doing this life completely on our own and we have it all under control.

     We so often forget the compassionate God who loves us as a Father loves his child. Who just wants us to be close to Him, follow Him and love Him - not because he's an insecure God who needs to be loved, but because He knows that in His arms we are safe, loved and cared for. Only in His arms. He knows that as long as we keep going back to the brothel, back to the worthless idols, we will find only emptiness. So he calls us out of it. He doesn't drag us, He doesn't bring us out - he simply calls us.

     And even when we don't come right away, God says, "But I am still your God, the God who saved you out of Egypt. I'm the only real God you've ever known. I'm the one and only God who delivers..." (Hos. 13:4, MSG)

     God is unchanging. He created everything we are bound with - yet He is not. Just because we may not believe that He is God, just because we may not follow Him does not mean He is not God. Just because you wander away and worship something else for a while, does not mean that He isn't still the Living and True God - YOUR God. He is still the saving, loving, awesome God that he was at the beginning. Our failures don't change Him, our actions don't change Him; our good works or bad works do not make him bigger or smaller than He has always been.

    He is GOD. El Shaddai - the Lord Almighty, who does not change like shifting shadows (James 1:17). He is not only a God to return to, as He is calling you, He is a God to stay with, to cling to. The only God to rely on and trust in.

     If you've forgotten who taught you to ride a bike, if you're forgotten who held your hand and walked you through those hard times - now is a good time to remember. It was Jehovah Shammah, the Lord who was there, is there and who always will be there. Why? Because He doesn't change and doesn't leave, even when we do.

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. Do not be led away by diverse and strange teachings, for it is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace, not by foods, which have not benefited those devoted to them." Hebrews 13:8-9

   

     

   

An Unsure Beginning

I don't really even know how to start this post. I'm not really even sure where God has me going with this blog. All I know is, He wants me to start writing again.

God is amazing. God is everything. Yet we make Him so small. I make Him so small.

I have been writing Facebook notes for a while, and it's interesting to think that during the time I wrote the most frequently, I had the least amount of relationship with God. Sorry to disappoint you, but just because you say good things and have good thoughts doesn't mean you and God are tight. It just means He's choosing to work through you in spite of all your issues.

That was my case, anyway.

Over the last two years and a half years, God has done far more in me than I ever thought He needed to do - that should tell you right there that something was wrong. If you ever think you don't have any more to learn, be careful - God might just show you how incorrect you are.

Every day for me anymore is unsure. I am unsure how God will choose to work, how the day will end, or what conflict might happen. I am unsure of where He will take me and what He will choose to walk me through. But the one thing I do know, the one thing I am learning is this:

No matter what it is, no matter what He does, no matter what He allows, he is faithful to walk with me through it. He will not bring up anything that he isn't prepared to help me handle.

A friend of mine told me one time that when she is feeling insecure or struggling, she just reminds herself "God is good and He loves me."

I have found that as life goes on, day by monotonous day, we often forget that simple fact: God is good and He loves us.

So as I write, my hope is that we will all be reminded of this: That God is good and He loves us. He is faithful, He is sovereign, He is true and He is unchanging.

I hope that God works in you and encourages you with these writings.

And if like me you are unsure, that God will show you Who you can be sure in.