Listen for the Harmony

In the past couple of months, I have taken on the task of learning how to harmonize vocally. Some people have said that it can't be done, others have said it can but it's difficult. Depending on the day, I could agree with either argument. But, of course, a challenge arises and I must see it through - at least until I fail completely and just give up...which doesn't happen very often.

Needless to say, my daughter has endured several weeks of listening to her mother singing off key, hoping that somehow it might sound good. Thankfully, she's not quite 6 months old and can't really give me any grief...yet.

I have tried hearing the harmonies on my own - which sometimes works. However, more often than not, I have to commandeer the help of my ever gracious friend to sing it for me so that I can memorize it.

This last week has been a repetition of me singing the same song over and over and over and over again alternately with the recording of my friend singing the harmony and another recording of just our worship leader playing his guitar and singing the melody. By the end of the week I felt like I had gotten it! I could sing the harmony with the recording of just the melody and I thought it was going well.

And I'm sure it was. I'm sure the improvement, at least, from the beginning of the week was astounding in comparison...However, when I was faced with singing directly in person with our worship leader, even though I had spent so much time singing with the recording, I still had difficulty singing the harmony. I wanted so badly to just fall in line and sing the melody with him, that often I was and it took some correction from my friend for me to see it.

I have spent my whole life singing the melody. I can hear it, I can match pitch - I find that all fairly simple (minus the nervousness I get when I first step up to a microphone). But the harmony has been much more difficult to grasp.

I realized that it's similar to my struggle with legalism. My entire life I have spent following the rules, priding myself on the times I didn't give into temptations in college to drink or smoke or what have you. On the outside I have always looked quite "religious". I have gone to church ever since I was little. I was taught to obey my parents, because then God would love me. I was taught to work hard in school, because it would make God proud. I was taught to love my neighbor, because that would make God happy.

All of these things aren't bad things. But the problem was, that I filled in another blank. I thought, "If those things make God love me, then if I don't do them, it will make God hate me." 

That is the melody. 

Legalism tells us that God loves us when we do good things for him. When we spread his gospel, when we do kind things for others. God pats us on the back and says, "You have earned my love." Legalism tells us that we can earn it - and we have to.

Isaiah 64:6 says "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags..."

Luke 18:19 says, "'Why do you call me good?' Jesus said. 'No one is good - except God alone.'"

Romans 3:23 says "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,"

Do you know what Romans 3:24 says? 

"and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus."

So tell me this...do you work for gifts? If someone says, "Hey, I brought you this new jacket as a gift." Do you reply, "Oh that's awesome! How about I come wash your car so I can pay you back?"

Heck no!

It is the same with grace. Grace is offered to us as a gift because we cannot pay for it.

No matter what we do, no matter how much we work, we cannot earn salvation. I'm sure we would like to be able to say we did. 

I can't tell you how many times I have turned down help just because I don't want to feel like I owe someone something. I think partially, I don't want to admit that I need grace because I don't want to think that A) I can't earn something on my own or B) I might be in the debt of Christ for what he has done for me.

It takes great humility to say that we can't earn our own salvation. Why? Because it requires admitting that we are not good enough. We are not strong enough. We are not perfect enough.

Jesus is.

I live in Utah. It is not a secret that Utah is a highly Mormon state. In fact, a census from several years ago stated that it was the most religiously homogeneous state in the country, being that 80% of the population claims Mormonism as their religion. In talking to several Mormons, I have heard that the general consensus of their take on Christianity is that we rely too much on grace. We think we can do whatever we want, but then come back and say, "Well, it's okay, because I've got grace." Kind of like we think of grace as our "Get out of Jail Free" card for any and all situations. Sadly, I am sure that there are some Christians who do believe that. But it's not true.

Grace isn't for the unrepentant. 

In Romans 6:1, Paul says, "What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so grace may abound? By no means!" 

And again in verse 15, "What then? Are we to sin because we are not under law, but under grace? By no means!"

Grace is not to abuse. It is a gift because we are so greatly loved by our Father that he would send his only Son to pay the price for our sins. A price we cannot pay no matter how hard we work for it.

I remember a time when I was arguing with my husband (I use this memory a lot, so if you have heard it before, forgive me for my repetition), and I was expressing my frustration with myself for having messed up again. He told me, "Tracy, that is why we need grace." My response was...

"I don't want grace! I just want to stop sinning!"

This is our problem and most people don't like to hear it. We are sinners. We are filthy, dirty, ugly sinners in need of God's grace. We cannot make ourselves perfect. We need grace. We need God to give us a heart of godly sorrow that brings repentance so that we will understand that we need grace. (2 Corinthians 7:10).

This is the harmony.

The harmony is so much more difficult to hear, because the first thing we hear is the Melody...

"You can work for it."

We don't always want to hear the harmony..

"You can't work for it. You have to accept that you're not worthy of it, but God wants to give it to you anyway." 

It's not logical. It doesn't make sense. But it's true. 

Praise God. 

"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not of your own doing, it is a gift from God. Not a result of works so that no one would boast."

Ephesians 2:8-9

An Aversion to Prayer

I have a serious aversion to prayer. Well, sort of. I can walk around all day and chat with God at my own convenience - while I'm in the shower, doing dishes, taking a hike, feeding my daughter...I am the queen of multitasking. If I can't do five things at once, I might as well do nothing at all.

So, when it comes to taking time out of my day to sit down and write out prayers - time dedicated to solely talking to God about my relationships, my family, friends in need, interceding for others through prayer - I hesitate. In fact, I do more than hesitate - I avoid it nearly completely. Except for that occasional time when I do do it, obligatorily, just so that I can say "nearly" in my previous sentence.

So this year, while everyone was buying gym memberships, swearing of carbs, and making other New Year's resolutions, I thought that I would make one, too.

I'm going to set aside time everyday to sit down, set aside everything else, and pray.

And I'm going to see what it does. 

I have had the pleasure of talking so much in the last few months about parenting...Utah is a place that is abundantly fertile, apparently, and children are everywhere (I know of 12 friends that are having babies this year -AH!). It's fantastic because I have so many opportunities to see people parent their children. And not just "people" in general, but my closest friends and family who love God with all their hearts and desire to raise their children up to accept the grace offered them by Christ. Those are the people I like to talk with about parenting. 

This week in particular I've been able to talk to a few of my close friends about books they're reading and have read, parenting tricks they've used. It's hilarious, mostly. Every child is so different, every parent so different, that it's impossible for any self help book to be completely effective - although sometimes they can be helpful. 

But the best advice I got this week was this: 

"You're not the perfect parent. God is the perfect parent. The best thing you can do is pray for your children and point them back to God." 

So, in light of my new years resolution, I started thinking about that. If praying for my children is the best thing I can do for them, who else is it the best thing I can do for? 

I can pray for my husband. I can pray for my friends who just lost their child. I can pray for my coworkers. I can pray for my parents, my siblings. I can pray for my church. I can pray for my friends who just had a baby. I can pray for my marriage. For my friends' marriages. I can pray for this city. I can pray for this state. This country. This list can go on and on and on.

So often, I think I feel like prayer isn't enough because I am not physically doing something. But in reality, what is more effective than calling on the Creator of the Universe to work in your life, your husband or wife and your children's lives and the lives of your community? Isn't that so much better than trying to do something myself? 

Frankly, I'm exhausted thinking about it. Not to mention hopeless. 

So, this is why I want to live a life of prayer. So that God might be glorified in the fact that I can do nothing for myself, my family or my friends except pray unceasingly. 

"Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call the elders of the church and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed. The power of a righteous person has great power as it is working." James 6:13-16

The Necessity of Hope

A few weeks ago, I met a man. He was in his 50's and ill. Not physically, but spiritually. When he came to the emergency room, the doctor ordered for him to have a CT scan. That's how we met. When you know Christ, it's not difficult to see when someone isn't in need of a physician for the body, but rather a physician for the soul. 

This man lost his son just two months before. I don't know what happened to his wife, but his son died of cancer at age 34. Which was actually a blessing, because he was supposed to die at age 11 - according to the doctors. 

But to a parent, 34 years still isn't enough. 

We live in a broken world, and I was experiencing this man's brokenness. When we got back to his room, he was trying desperately to hold back the tears and I asked him, "Can I give you a hug?" He nodded fervently and reached out his arms as if he hadn't been hugged in years. 

At that moment, I decided that this was why I had come to work that morning. So I pulled up a stool next to his bed and I sat down.

"Do you have a church that you go to?" I asked him.

He looked away as if I'd slapped him and said, "No. I've never been one to believe in that whole 'God' stuff. Look at it this way, if you had kids and they were beating each other with baseball bats, would you let them? Or would you stop them?" 

I didn't really know how to answer him. Of course I would try to stop them. But I knew what he was getting at. The exact brokenness he was experiencing, he wanted to blame God for. I understand. We all have someone we want to blame - we don't want to look at the truth that we brought the brokenness into the world. 

I told him that. But I also told him of the hope in Christ. I told him that God loves him and that because of the brokenness in the world, he sent his own son to die so that we might live. I told him that I wouldn't believe anything other than that which would give me hope. 

And he said, "Why would I need hope?" 

I couldn't believe my ears. I had never heard someone refuse hope. Perhaps I didn't truly understand the depth of this man's suffering that he would deny hope. Of course, how could I? I haven't lost a child. I haven't suffered as some have - as he had. 

But still, I wanted him to believe. I wanted him to understand his need for hope! 

"Everyone needs hope," I told him. "Everyone needs to know the love of God. God loves you and he loves your son." I felt like I was fumbling at words because nothing seemed to get through. I wish now that I would have had more to say. 

I wish I could have told him what Romans says, "In this hope we are saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he has seen?" (Rom 8:24) 

I wish I could have expressed the joy that comes from knowing Christ, the life that is given with knowing Christ. I wish I could have said something to convince him...

...instead, I have to trust that God really is close to the brokenhearted, binding up their wounds, like His Word says. I have to hope that my God is a God who saves. Who restores. Who heals. Who loves unconditionally. 

I asked this man if I could leave the information to the church I attend in case he changed his mind about God. He said I could. I wrote it on a post it and put it on his chair. 

As I turned to walk away, I heard him say, "Could I trouble you for one more hug before you go?" 

I smiled. "Of course." And I leaned in to give him one final hug, praying that he would feel the hope transfer from me into his heart and that the love of Christ would fill him up. 

And I still pray every day, that even if I don't see him in this life time, that somehow, I will get to hug him again when he's standing with me in the glorious heavens at the end of my time here on earth.

 

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, he saves those who are crushed in Spirit."

 Psalm 34:18 

The Great Lie

A few weeks ago, I was at the cafeteria at work getting some tea and on my way out I walked past the ice cream freezer. Now, I have walked past this particular ice cream freezer hundreds of times. Usually I'm looking at what is inside it and not necessarily the writing on the outside. But this particular day, I happened to read what was advertised on the door of the freezer.

It read:

"You deserve it!" 

In big bold letters at the top of the door. 

I have said those words to myself more times than I can count. "Go ahead, have that extra dessert, you deserve it!" or "Get those french fries - work was stressful. You deserve it!" or "Go shopping! You deserve a little treat." 

But this particular day, I realized something...

I don't deserve it. I don't deserve anything. 

The great lie that we tell ourselves is that we DO deserve something, or if we don't deserve it, that we can do something to make it so we do! It doesn't have to be food, it can be time, money, promotions, praise. 

"You deserve that new job. You've worked so hard." 

OR

"Why didn't he say anything to you? You helped him so much! You deserve the credit!" 

OR 

"You're such a good parent, you deserve a luxurious vacation without the kids." 

Now, keep in mind I'm not saying that promotions and vacations aren't good things. Parents need breaks from their kids. That way, we don't destroy them! Words of affirmation are really helpful and make you feel appreciated in whatever it is you're doing. Ice cream is delicious and I like to eat some every night....

.....However, when we puff ourselves up to think that the reason we get those things is because we deserve them, that's where we are wrong. 

Let's go back to the beginning...I mean, the very beginning.... 

"The serpent was more clever than any of the wild animals. The serpent said to Eve, 'Did God really say that you must not eat the fruit of any tree in the garden?'  

Eve said, 'We can eat the fruit of the trees that are in the garden. But God did say, "You must not eat from the tree in the middle of the garden. Do not touch it. If you do, you will die."' 

'You won't die!,' the serpent said. 'God knows when you eat the fruit you will know things you have never known before. You will be like God.' 

Eve took some fruit and ate it. She gave some to Adam. And he ate it. " 

Genesis 3:1-6 NIrV Storybook Bible 

The same lie plagues us today. We think we are like God. We think that because we do good things, because we say good things and we might be generally "good" people by this world's standards, that we deserve all these good things that life has to offer us. This might be a blow to some people, but we don't deserve any of it. 

When God told Eve that she would die if she ate the fruit, he meant it. The punishment for that disobedience was that death, pain, anguish, and work became part of our world. That is what we deserve. 

Thankfully for us, that is not the end of the story. That is the beginning. God knew that we could never work our way back into his grace. God is completely just, and in order to be just, sin had to be punished. So, instead of letting us live in death, he sent his Son - his perfect, innocent Son - to die for us. Did Christ deserve that? No. But he chose it, so that we might have life. 

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only son, so that whoever believes in him will not perish, but have eternal life." John 3:16

The problem we have today is that we think that by working we can work our way back to some place that deserves grace. We will never get to a place that deserves grace. We have to keep falling back on the grace of God because we will never ever BE GOD.  No amount of tithing, bible reading, church-going, verse-memorizing, good-deed-doing will get us back into the grace of God. There is a chasm between us that can only be bridged by Christ's death on the cross. We don't get ourselves partway and then he gets us the rest if our bridge looks good enough. Our sin is completely erased by Christ's death and resurrection and it is completely present without it. 

We cannot pridefully think that we deserve anything but the wrath of God. But this is what happens...when God looks at us, just at us, he sees sin. Nobody likes to think that they are flithy and dirty and sinful - it's not becoming of anyone, but it's the unfortunate truth. However, when we accept Christ, God no longer sees us. He sees his Son. His perfect, innocent Son who died for all mankind so that we might have life. 

The only thing we ever did for God was to disobey the one thing he told us not to do - after that, it's been all downhill.

What has God done for us? Everything. In spite of the fact that we don't deserve it. 

"'None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one. Their throat is an open grave; they use their tongues to deceive. The venom of asps is under their lips. Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness. Their feet are swift to shed blood; in their paths are ruin and misery, and the way of peace they have not known. There is no fear of God before their eyes.' ....For by the works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus who God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith..." 

Romans 3:10-18;20;23-25